To My Dear Precious Son

This is the letter I wrote and read at Joshie's service.


My Dear Precious Baby Boy Joshie,

      As I sit here in your room, I can't even begin to understand the idea of not holding you again. You are so Loved. I'm not sure how to feel at this moment. I feel so relieved that you don't hurt anymore, but my heart aches and longs for you. I don't know if I can bear not having you with me or not having you here to care for. All I've known for four years is to take care of you, make sure doctor appointments were set, nurses & doctors understood you well, and most of all Love you so. You are so Loved.
     From the beginning, you were full of surprises for mommy and daddy. I remember the day you were born. It was scary for mommy in the ER, not knowing what was going to happen to us, but most importantly to you. I prayed the entire time, "Lord protect my baby, protect my baby, protect my baby." The doctor said 5 more minutes and we both would've gone to Heaven. That wasn't God's plan though. His plan was bigger than I could've even imagined. You are so Loved.
     I'll never forget the time you were about 11/2 week old and they told mommy and daddy we'd have a family meeting the next day to remove your support. I prayed so boldly over you that day and the Lord answered prayer the same day. The Lord's plan was Great. The whole time everyone said, you were not responsive, I knew it was because you were to busy playing with the angels and holding God's hand. The Lord saw what a huge impact you'd make and knew it before he sent you into my womb.
     Oh my, I remember all those different people, pastors, strangers, friends, family, family of family, and friends of friends. You name it...people joined together to pray for you. It didn't even matter what religion or what church they belonged to. You were God's instrument to show, One Mighty God, we all from the same family. Slowly you'd give daddy and I signs. Signs like the little twitch of a foot or curl of a finger. Oh my! what an awesome feeling to see you do these things that seemed so small, but yet mighty miracles in our eyes.
     You taught us how to appreciate life. You showed us how some of the stress of this world is not so important. Through the Lord you taught us to be more compassionate for others. It is amazing how every person you touched was touched in different ways. Family, friends, doctors, nurses, neighbors, and strangers----they all loved you so. You are so loved.
     As you grew through these four years, so did we. The road wasn't easy, but the journey was God's plan. What a strong little mighty warrior you are. The Lord has used you in a such a powerful way. Joshua Josiah Vidal----Joshua meaning God is my Salvation----Josiah meaning God supports/Jehovah heals-------Vidal meaning full of life. This is why we chose your name, Perfectly designed and destined by God Almighty. We never imagined how far and wide you'd travel to touch the hearts of many. Your name written in Jerusalem's wailing wall twice by people you hadn't even met yet. People praying for you in Japan, and throughout different parts of the world. WOW Joshie, through the Lord you were so amazing!
     People became better people. Nurses became better nurses. You taught them so so much. I often heard from nurses; saying that after caring for you they were able to do much much more at the hospitals. You trained many and kept us on our toes....that's for sure. What an angel you are. Mommy and daddy love you so. Your brothers love you and miss you dearly. I remember how you loved to listen to their voices and hear them getting silly wrestling around. You brought them many smiles. Our hearts hurt, but we know we will see you again. You are so loved.  I'm missing how I'd bounce you and roughen you up. You loved every single moment. I miss how you'd get hyper sometimes and swing your legs back & forth. I'm missing the hugs and kisses we'd share. The smell of your breath as I'd put my face near your angelic little face. The way I'd hug you tight as I gave you endless kisses. Your beautiful eyes and the way you'd speak to us through them. Your beautiful silky thick hair everyone loved to touch. Oh, and that sweet sweet face. It hurts so much to not feel your warmth. The way you'd get upset and throw your little fits by getting so stiff cause you wanted what "you" wanted.
     You had a hard time with this earthly body, but you sure were smart. You taught me how to read your little "wants" and needs. You are so loved. Mommy, daddy, and brothers will be okay. We know how hard it was for you here. We love you so. So many times I thought I was ready to let your spirit leave this earth so you could finally rest, but you knew it was when our father in Heaven said "your angelic mission was complete". From the very beginning of your birth to the time you left this Earth, you have changed people's lives. Our father in Heaven's Mighty Plan.
     Rest now my precious baby Joshie from all you have done. Now in Heaven your party has just begun. When I said to you in the ER, "what do you want baby...what do you need?" "Are you ready to go with Jesus" "Whatever you want..it's okay go with the angels...go with Jesus." As I felt your little spirit leave, you showed me once again, what you needed and wanted. Thank you for helping mommy and daddy know.
You now have returned to holding the Lord's hand once again, and playing with the angels. I see you dancing, worshipping, and praising. I know you are in such glorious surroundings. Have fun my baby Joshie. Say hi to everyone for us. I love you so so much my wonderful, strong, beautiful, angelic, miracle baby Joshie. You are so Loved. I am very Proud of you my love.

I can't wait till we see you again.

                                                                            Love,
                                                                            Mommy and Daddy Forever

Hernia Hernia Go Away!

WEll when he was in ICU they discovered he had again another hernia (from all the gagging). The only thing to do is surgery again but he is to much of a high risk to go under right now. We finally got him stable! However, he threw up twice last thursday. He also has been having more food in his tummy than usual. So this means at times he is not digesting everything because of the hernia (food is shifting everywhere). It is not a constant thing yet so not gonna go into worry mode yet. I really don't think we will do surgery unless he really isn't digesting 1/2 of his usual intake. This will then be a major problem. Pedi doesn't think he will get through surgery if he does go under. So yes we traded one problem for another in the mean time. Another thing that can also affect him is throwing up and aspriating on it (going into lungs). It's like one BIG CYCLE. We are going to see the surgeon in Aug. to discuss what we basically already know (haha).

On a good note.....he will be turning 3 years old on June 25!!! He has gone through so much in 3 years....gosh my baby boy is a super human baby. Thank you Lord for these blessed (although tough at many times) years of having time with my precious lil guy. I think about all the kisses, hugs, half smiles, and unspoken communication he shows us with those beautiful eyes. He is our angel. Thank you Lord for Joshua.

Still in hospital

He is doing a lot better but is still on oxygen. They spoke to me about a fundo. They've spoken to me about this surgery before but they felt that he was not in need of it at the time. Now that he's been admitted with this respiratory distress they feel it is the best option for him. The fundoplication is going to help with the reflux and keep him from aspirating the food (into the lungs). However, it will not stop him from aspirating on his own secretions (saliva). It should be better for him........I still feel horrible about him needing surgery. The Dr. said we will discuss it further when he gets better. I'm so sad that he has to go through even more procedures. Pray for Joshua. Pray that everything turns out for the best. This is all I want for him.