AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joshua was discharged from the hospital on Friday May 9. I had to bring him to the ER because he was gasping to breath and I could not get him to slow his breathing down. He has been like this off and on since Saturday but he was able to snap out of it. I figured it was because of all the suctioning we have to do. I did call his pulmonologist Monday afternoon and took him in to the Pediatrician on Tuesday. Then I brought him in to the ER on Wednesday. He was admitted Wednesday night and here we are again. I know a lot of the nurses now and Joshua's name has become one of the well known names around here (gotta have a sense of humor at times otherwise I'd be an emotional mess 24/7). They are thinking it might be a combination of his reflux, aspiration, laryngo malacia, and I think all the nasal suctioning with the catheter made him swollen. They did confirm that the inside of his nose is swollen. I am thinking that when they suction him he gets overwhelmed and tries to catch his breath but has trouble because his nose is swollen. Anyway, that is my own little diagnoses. They did give him some oxygen last night but they have turned it off. He was in distress for a little while because they had to deep suction him again. I already told them---NO MORE DEEP SUCTIONING unless it is absolutely the last resort to relieve him from distress. He is resting right now, my poor baby is exhausted from all this mess. I hate seeing him poked constantly, being given all sorts of drugs (medicines), and I hate to see my poor baby's expression on his teary red little face because they keep suctioning him. I'm still scared about the surgery but I wish they would hurry up and get things going. I just want him to be ok already. I'm so so tired and I miss my other boys so much. I feel really bad about not spending time the way I use to with them. I feel as though my whole world has been flipped upside down. WHY? FOR WHAT?
I've met so many wonderful people out of all this. I'm talking about all the parents that have gone through the similar emotional roller coaster we've been on these almost 11 months now. There is such an indescribable bond between us. If only some of you could hear the many stories out there. Parents/Children with unbelievable stories of survival, heartache, and great strength.