Thursday, June 5, 2008

Neurologist Appt.

We saw the neurologist yesterday and I asked her about his head growth. I was concerned because on our previous appointment the pediatrician told me his head was not growing at the pace it should be. Well, the neurologist said this usually happens with children who have had traumatic brain injuries. I did ask if it was also an indicator of what he may or may not be able to do in the future (development). She said more than likely yes. The reason is because in the beginning his head was not growing steadily because of the trauma. SO, she says he will more than likely have some developmental issues. I feel really horrible. Well, I know it's not like I didn't think he is going to have issues. I know it's not going to be like my other boys and everything is fine. It is just hard hearing it and thinking about it. On a positive note, his head is still growing though. I am just trying to think...well it could be worse and could've stopped completely growing. Oh my gosh, I just pray it continues to grow. My head hurts and at this moment I feel like just crying in a little corner. With my other two boys (Isaiah & Isaac) I never even thought about head growth. You just basically go into the doctors office, have them do their stuff and basically say "wow he weighs more". Then you go on your merry way. With Joshua it is completely different. I go to the different specialists office and just hang on to every word that is said. Yes, I do believe doctors can be wrong and all things are possible through Christ. Joshua is my little baby and it hurts to hear things that may or may not happen in the future. I am so sad right now. He is such a sweet baby. Even when I feel horrible he does one little thing that will make me smile and I just hang on to that moment. It can be the little yawn coming out of his mouth, the little stretch I see him make, when he cries for no reason, when he sighs like he is extremely bored or exhausted, and when he gets really stiff when he is upset because he wants to be held.

Those of you with healthy children, be thankful and don't take things for granted. Don't complain about the little things but be grateful for them. It is a blessing that your child crawls and gets into everything. Thank God that your child babbles all night long. When it seems like a headache to force your child to take medicine be thankful you have that and your child can take things be mouth. I'm tired. I don't mean to preach and sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm just tired and it hurts to think that the things that people complain about are the things I am praying to have. Keep us in your prayers. I know this is just a moment I'm having and please forgive me if I've offended anyone. I just ask for you to please pray for his development.

On a good note, his infantile spasm are doing better and in two weeks we will have another EEG (records electrical activity of the brain) to see if things have improved such as seizures. I pray for the best.

Oh, I also found a little tooth growing! Joshua is getting his first tooth. Finally! It is so cute, it is a front tooth (ha ha). He such a little angel. Things like this make me smile. I love him so much.