I've been asked if I could post the prayer I wrote and read at Joshie's prayer service. I decided to post it here on his blog. This prayer was written for his 1st birthday. He spent his first birthday at the hospital and when he was finally discharged we had a huge birthday party for him. I recall coming out of the hospital and phone calls being made immediately notifying of an emergency birthday party. The following day everyone showed up! It was great to see how much love Joshua was surrounded by. He continues to be surrounded with Love, but now he is face to face with the one who gave/gives his greatest Love. Thank you Jesus.
I Love you so so much Josh and I miss you dearly. I miss you and long to hold you in my arms. It hurts so deep in me as though the sorrow shoots from my stomach, to my heart, and pours throughout. When I cry for you, the tears come from deep within me. It seems as the days go by, my sadness deepens. I've been told repeatedly he's in a better place....I know he is and truly believe it. However, I am still "mommy" and crave my child's warmth in my arms. I wish i could see you and just touch your hair or just a little finger. When the pain seems so strong that I cannot handle it....I think about all the hard times you endured. This gives me the peace I need for those moments. It reminds me that my baby boy is no longer having to go through all the hurt anymore. You are no longer hurting anymore. Love you my strong Joshie. Forever and Always....kisses and hugs
Here is the prayer I wrote and read:
BEING THANKFUL
Lord,
Many will not understand the way it feels to be thankful.... for the moment you can finally take a deep breath and feel the relief of finally getting to hold your baby after seeing him lay there, day in and out----hooked up to machines, being poked, tested, and pumped full of drugs.
The relief of feeling him in your arms, but yet feeling sadness that you can't hold him even closer.
NOt many will understand the way it feels to be so thankful to hear---- he had a bowel movement and is now urinating-----what a blessing to our ears!
OH! to be thankful for every breath that you see him take....So, So, thankful!
Many people do not understand and ask "why do these people smile just for a tiny little cough they hear", "a little twitch of the nose", "a little finger that curls", or even "a little curl of this tiny foot."
OH! what it means to be thankful.
To be thankful to hear him cry after praying day after day, that one day you will hear his voice. THANK YOU, OH THANK YOU!
Not many will understand the way it feels to be so thankful to see your baby take a complete swallow and for it to actually bring tears to your eyes because you know it's a blessing from above.
Not many will know the feeling of being thankful just because your baby has gained one little pound. What an accomplishment!
Even through many difficult moments of feeling exhausted and drained physically, mentally, and spiritually....I am truly thankful.
I cannot express how thankful I am for the miracles I see before me.
For they may not understand what it means to be waiting for what seems so small, but yet so miraculous of a miracle that the Lord has in store.
For many will not understand but I pray that they do know how truly blessed they are. AMEN
Count your blessings and treasure every miracle in you life. The Lord is great and our miracle JOSHUA is proof.
Many times I ask why and I only have little glimpses but yet don't fully understand why....but one thing I do know is... I am truly thankful for my little angel Joshua.
Love,
Mommy
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