Friday, December 4, 2009

Back Home and Sick

Well, surgery went well and we only stayed at the PICU for about 3 days. Thank you for all your prayers because I truly believe that is what got us home so fast. We have never stayed such a short time and we have never been released straight from PICU. A couple of days later after we came home he began to have high fever. It lasted for about a week. I was very concerned about it especially since he had just had surgery. However, a few tests and xray later (I had to practically nag at the surgeon to run some tests and didn't accept it was "just his body getting use to it") we found out he had STREP THROAT. Yes, strep throat. I was so glad that is all he had and nothing else that would drag us back to the hospital. Thank you to those who have shown us your support. I especially want to thank those of you who just simply let us know you are praying. It means the world to us. I really believe it helps us get through these tough times.

While at the hospital I met a mom who had her child on a vent and was facing the decision of letting him go. It was truly heart breaking to hear what she had been going through. I went into the PICU hallway and began to pray with her. At that moment I really didn't care who saw or what anyone thought. I really think the Lord puts these people in my path for some reason or another. I know at that moment it is not my strength or faith that allows me to react in prayer. Honestly, I don't even feel like praying for anything sometimes. A couple of hours later I'm a mess. I feel like I want to fall apart emotionally. Here I am waiting for them to give me word on how the surgery is going with MY SON and feel extremely nervous, spiritually not at my best, and feel physically drained. Who the heck do I think I am praying for someone else??!! I know it's only by God's Grace and His Strength. I also know many people pray for us and Joshua. This is probably what sustains us through this crazy ride. I even joked with my parents telling them I have to learn to not talk to anyone or answer any questions...basically stick to myself so I won't "get involved". I get so emotional and everything becomes very personal. Well, in the very beginning of our journey I did say Joshua would do something GREAT. It's like a giant puzzle that I know the Lord will bring all together someday.

Joshua has not been doing well this week. He has been choking and gagging on thick secretions and doesn't seem to clear. I am really concerned about his lungs. This is the way he gets when his lungs collapse. He just started on antibiotics and other meds. Hopefully this will do the trick. We have been suctioning him a lot. It also gets scary when he gets really red from choking because he can't bring it up. He is miserable and cries because of all the suctioning. It is hard seeing him tear up and heart breaking to see the look on his face as soon as we turn on the suction machine. I really was hoping not to have to suction so much especially since he just had surgery and they fixed the hernia. We really don't have a choice especially if he is choking. It is horrible. Pray he gets better soon so he doesn't loosen the fundoplication and get another hernia. I spoke to the surgeon and he said there really isn't much we can do about it. We can't stop suctioning because he doesn't always cough it up and obviously airway is priority.