Sunday, October 12, 2008

Healing Hurt

As I was trying to sleep tonight I can't keep my mind from thinking about the sweet little angel Kaden. My heart aches and I can't seem to control my emotions right now. I know he is no longer suffering. He is now having the time of his life probably doing everything he didn't here on earth. How Great, I think about him playing with the other angels. He's walking along holding the lord's hand as he swings his little arm up and down just like father and sons do. He is probably right now taking in all the beauty the heavens have to offer. What a comfort to know the peace that he may be experiencing, finally rest. Yet, here we are on earth hurting for him.

I was thinking about when Joshua was born. It almost feels like we were minding our own business living our lives and all of a sudden I was stabbed in the heart. At first it hurt a lot and I felt everything. As time went on I still felt it but was able to still tolerate it. Still certain days I realize it is there and feel the pain all over again just like it just happened. This happens sometimes when the little things trigger it (like other children Joshua's age). I'm ok though. I just get over it and live with it hoping I guess it gets better. Now I think about those I've met who have lost thier children. After suffering so much, I think about how they might feel. Even though they know their child is in a better place. Does it feel as though someone finally took the object out and they are now just with an opened wound, hurting??? After time passes, does the wound close and you are just left with the scars of memories or the hurt you carried for so long. Does the wound close but at times you still hurt it accidently and it bleeds? I know the lord heals all wounds, but I also know we are human. It can seem like a lifetime for us to sometimes feel like we reach "understanding". Lord, be with all the mothers who hurt tonight. Whether they are struggling through a loss, struggling with thier childrens illness, or just struggling to live day by day.


Rosetta said...

Hi Myra, Sorry to hear that Joshua is still throwing up. I'll be praying for him. My e-mail address is aklassytexan at gmail dot com. (Just replace it with @ and . I just did that so internet crawlers won't get it and start spamming me.) My phone number is 254-624-9957 if you ever want to call. My number is all over the internet anyways so I don't mind posting it publicaly here.