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Thursday, September 3, 2009

Possible Surgery Again

Well, we almost stayed out of the hospital for about 5 months. Joshua was discharged out of the hospital last Friday (aug.28). We were there for 10 days!!!!!!!!!! I hate being there. I felt so bad for my two little ones (Isaiah and Isaac) because they had to go back and forth the first week of school. Now we are out and this week has been filled with doctors appointments. I feel like I haven't caught up with my sleep or rest. He had pneumonia and more so on his left side which is the side he had previous surgery on. We took him in because he was in respiratory distress. It was crazy because it seemed like it was from one moment to the next. As a matter a fact we had just seen the neurologist during the day and then that night he spiked a fever. His heart rate reached about 200-220 and fever shot up to 104. His respiratory rate was also very high. It was horrible to see him struggle. For the most part I usually hold it together pretty well. I've even had some nurses at the hospital tell me I am very calm and show to be very strong. However, at the time I seem to be fine because I know this is when Joshua needs me the most I guess. I feel like I need to be his voice especially with the residents in the hospital (whom I always have bad experiences with at the hospital). Thank God for our pulmonologist and nurse practitioner whom I owe so much to!!!!!! After they got involved and the residents finally listened to me, Joshua was able to calm down and bring his heart rate back down. When he was able to catch his breath he finally let out a little cry. I have never heard such a sad sad cry come out of him. It was a different cry. It broke my heart to see and hear him cry that way. There in our room after everyone cleared out, just the two of us, we cried together. At that moment is when I begin to think I can loose my baby. It is so scary. I love him so so so much. I can't even imagine my life without him.

After having x-rays they pretty much stumbled upon finding a hiatel hernia. Yes, again another one. It might also be because when they did the fundoplication this second time, they did it even more tight than the first one so it would hold. It being so tight can cause him to gag and the pressure can cause the hernia. So.....now they want to fix it again....so that means surgery again. They are looking at about 4-6 weeks to make a final decision on how to approach this. For now we are giving him time to heal and rest after a hard 10 days at the hospital. This means more tests to have a good look at what is going on. Yesterday we saw the GI doctor and he said he will talk to the surgeon to decide on either doing an endoscopy or esophagram to take a good look inside his chest area. Please pray for him. I am terrified of surgery, especially because of what happened the last time (stop breathing and placed on a vent). He is a very "high risk" so I wish we didn't have to put him through it all over again. I know surgery will also overwhelm him and then he ends up with lung issues all over again. My little guy is such a fighter he has gone through so much.

Well, as far as prayer goes we need lots of it! We have not lost our faith, but we have grown weary. We have been visiting different places to worship trying to find "a place to fit". Our lives have changed so much these last two years. After going in and out of the hospital so many times it seems like people get "immune to hearing we are back in..pray..." I'm not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else but us. In the beginning I would call "everyone" to have them pray. After a while you learn you have to just rely on the ones that really understand our day to day challenges. Those are the ones that will truly pray and be there when you need them.

Will post later for updates.
Pray for all of us.............Strength, Faith, Peace, Healing.

2 comments:

Rosetta said...

So sorry to hear about the possible surgery. We'll be praying. Please keep us updated as to when it would be!

ady said...

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so rough. I know what you mean about feeling like people are tired of hearing your struggles. I think they just don't realize that life for people like us is always a roller coaster... either improving or getting worse but never just calm and smooth. We'll keep little Joshua in our prayers though.