Home Again

He was just discharged from hospital yesterday evening. I am so glad to be home. He is still sick but not on oxygen or the vent anymore, thank GOD. I pray for his complete recovery. He struggled yesterday when we got home (overwhelmed with his secretions and couldn't get them out). We are exhausted!

PICU & Vent

Joshua stop breathing for a short time today so he was intubated. Please pray for him.

Out of Surgery and SICK

Pray for Joshua he was not doing well yesterday. Will post later

Surgery Again

Well, a lot has happened since I last posted. After many tests, it shows that his left diaphragm is not working. It is paralyzed. I will post details later on what this means. NOt only do they need to redo the fundoplication...now they need to do a diaphragm plication. All this is the result of the traumatic birth injury that occurred OF COURSE!! This really gets me mad to think he was perfectly healthy and now all this is occurring because my crappy placenta. I am really frustrated, worried, and sad that he still continues to go through crap. He is also throwing up so much that now he is biting his tongue (so hard he makes himself bleed over and over again). So far he is scheduled to go into surgery Thursday morning. He will have the fundo and the diaphragm will be "tacked down" meaning they are going to sew it down so it won't continue to elevated and shift. My poor baby.... will post later

Hanging ON

Tonight I am not having a very good night. I find myself just feeling horrible. I feel so helpless with everything. It is not specifically Joshua on my mind tonight. He is actually doing just ok right now. He seems to be losening a lot of secretions lately. Which I see as a good sign, although at times it gets pretty rough for him (has a hard time breathing causing us to be more aggressive with suctioning). I guess we won't really know until Thursday (x-rays).
I feel like I can't help or make things better. I do have faith and don't really think I am angry. I am just really hurt and sad with everything. Joshua's little friend is also continuously going through this roller coaster ride. I just wish these precious little angels didn't have to go through so much. It hurts.
I had someone ask me...does this affect your faith. Well, I don't think it affects personally my faith as far as me not Loving and believing in the Lord. It does at times make me just not want to have faith for that moment(my bad days). I know that sounds kind of confusing...but I know those of you in the same boat totally understand what I am talking about. I then just get over it and shake it off cause I know I NEED it because without it I WOULD NOT SURVIVE. SO I guess in that moment I just feel like I am hanging on. I pray for all the parents out there that feel like they are just "hanging on". I pray for renewed strength. I also pray that some day, some how, we have some kind of understanding in the mist of all the heartache.

Still Praying?!

Well we had xrays Thursday and it showed that there is no change. We just got a percussor (which is a machine that vibrates and suppose to loosen stuff up in his chest. Also, we are starting two meds along with it. We are to do this for two weeks and then go back again for xrays. I pray we do see a change. My poor little guy is now being suctioned a lot more througout the day and constantly getting CPT (like aggressive patting on his chest/back). I hate suctioning him through his nose and mouth with the catheter! He gets so upset, tears up, and little face turns red. I know it is needed though. Don't check him off your prayer list yet...thank you.

Please Pray for Joshua

Joshua has a collapsed lower lung lobe. They wanted to admit him into the hospital but are giving us a week to try a few things to get it to open up. I will take him in for xrays next week to see if it shows any improvements. His seizures have also slightly increased. They are also going to wait on the surgery (fundo) because he is sick.