Sunday, October 12, 2008

Healing Hurt

As I was trying to sleep tonight I can't keep my mind from thinking about the sweet little angel Kaden. My heart aches and I can't seem to control my emotions right now. I know he is no longer suffering. He is now having the time of his life probably doing everything he didn't here on earth. How Great, I think about him playing with the other angels. He's walking along holding the lord's hand as he swings his little arm up and down just like father and sons do. He is probably right now taking in all the beauty the heavens have to offer. What a comfort to know the peace that he may be experiencing, finally rest. Yet, here we are on earth hurting for him.

I was thinking about when Joshua was born. It almost feels like we were minding our own business living our lives and all of a sudden I was stabbed in the heart. At first it hurt a lot and I felt everything. As time went on I still felt it but was able to still tolerate it. Still certain days I realize it is there and feel the pain all over again just like it just happened. This happens sometimes when the little things trigger it (like other children Joshua's age). I'm ok though. I just get over it and live with it hoping I guess it gets better. Now I think about those I've met who have lost thier children. After suffering so much, I think about how they might feel. Even though they know their child is in a better place. Does it feel as though someone finally took the object out and they are now just with an opened wound, hurting??? After time passes, does the wound close and you are just left with the scars of memories or the hurt you carried for so long. Does the wound close but at times you still hurt it accidently and it bleeds? I know the lord heals all wounds, but I also know we are human. It can seem like a lifetime for us to sometimes feel like we reach "understanding". Lord, be with all the mothers who hurt tonight. Whether they are struggling through a loss, struggling with thier childrens illness, or just struggling to live day by day.


We just got back from getting more hyperbaric treatments. We spent a week in San Antonio and Joshua recieved a total of 9 treatments this time. So far he's had a total of 49. Since getting the first 40 he has shown progress. He is crying now and showing us new movements. His therapist are very impressed with him. We've also had some of the specialist comment on how "good" he looks (very alert). The only set back we've had is he is still throwing up and his seizures have increased. They took him off of some medicines and that is when we saw the increase. As far as the throwing up, I don't think the fundo is tight anymore and am planning on seeing the surgeon again. He might need to go back into surgery. I'm very pleased with his progress, I just wish the seizures would stop completely. He now cries when he gets a really strong one. I won't stop believing, praying, and having faith that somehow it will get better.

I've looked into stem cell treatment and eventually wanted to give him this opportunity. I've heard so many good things about it. As a matter of fact, I met a mother who said it decreased her child's seizures. I also read about another that totally stopped her sons seizures and also has improved his mobility. I am very encouraged. This procedure is very expensive. I will keep you posted.

Yesterday I recieved notice that my friend's baby went to meet the Lord yesterday. He was about 10 months old and he went with the lord in his sleep. He had many health issues just like Joshua. I am so heartbroken. The little angel's name is Kaden, please pray for his family. They are so dear to my heart.